just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
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She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
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I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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