I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
