Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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