so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
