I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
