Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
