i don't plan on having that self control this summer
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
