Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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