Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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