is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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