sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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