yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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