the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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