brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
