Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
