Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
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Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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