the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
