Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
