we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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