Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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