I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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