I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
