Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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