we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
