Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i think my mom watched the whole time
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
