I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
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We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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