I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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