Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
