yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
