my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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