I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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