She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
