Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
