My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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