At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we're making bets on your personal life
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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