the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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