Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
