Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
