I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
