I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
