Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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