you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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