benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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