I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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