I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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