If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
