Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
