Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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