i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
