You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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