wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
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IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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