that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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