Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
