Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
