Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
