i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
