Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize