My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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