Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
