he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
