we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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