There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
