You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
